Crescendo

Let me just get this out: Sometimes I need to shut my mouth and maybe if I did so more often I wouldn't hurt feelings and break hearts so damn much. But why would you say things like that? Why do you sit there and say things to me that you know will hurt me? Why is it that my *best friend* is the one doing this?

So since I haven't updated this blog in fifteen weeks according to LJ, it's about time for an update. The people on my f-list probably think I'm dead ._.

But no, I was elected student council president. I organized a food drive in which we raised over 1,292 lbs. I am in the principal's office every morning helping her out with announcements and advising her on things. I have second chair in MSO and and principal second in Settlement MLCIO. I'll be playing Monti's Csardas as a solo by the springtime. I'm the first violinist of a very interesting quartet. I am so, so very happy.

And also a little bit lonely, because I do not really have friendships at school. I am greatly respected and treated with reverence, and maybe that's why. Even teachers treat me more like one of them than as a student. My favorite teacher tells me that I can go anywhere in life, with my combined intelligence and talent. I radiate success - it's probably very off-putting to students who don't talk about the future, who prefer to talk shit about each other and who's having sex with who.

But I'm not lonely at all outside of school. My friends from rehearsals and classes are all talented, and the majority of them are far more competent than the people I put up with at school. Considering we don't talk about grades and stuff so much as we talk about how awesome/terrible the new piece is and how amazing the concertmaster sounds/how horrible the last chair sounds, nobody knows about my stunningly high grades and psychotic IQ and they don't treat me like someone to be admired, but as a friend.

I guess my life is good right now. Not exceptionally incredibly terrific, but very good. After all, my only problem is little bouts of loneliness; I have it really easy~! ^^ Now I'm just waiting for audition letters to start coming in the mail (I applied to two performing arts schools) and trying to arrange something like a Secret Santa for my class =) Life is good.

Four years. You've lied to me, our entire family, to everybody you know, even to her for four years.

And you would've kept lying if you hadn't been caught.

My mother suspected it the whole time, but I told her you weren't. I trusted you and told her that you were faithful, that you were too smart to do such a thing. Then three days ago, the Blackberry in your pocket accidentally calls me (I was your last call) and I listen in on you with the other woman for almost an hour.

You told her that you were sick of your children, that they made your head hurt, and that your wife - my mother - was a crying, whiny, annoying, clingy bitch that you wanted to get rid of. You told her that she was beautiful, that you loved her.

Fuck you.

And then you pulled the Blackberry out of your pocket to check the time and realized what'd happened. I exploded at you, naturally, and you told me you were coming home right away to explain before hanging up.

Then when you came home you said to me that you never loved her, that you were using her for sex those four years. That you really loved us. Really? Even if I believed your bullshit, that makes it worse. Not only are you fucking with our minds, you're fucking with hers too. Oh, that makes me feel so much better. You've been manipulating everybody around you, hurting and lying to everybody around you for your own amusement. And then you try and justify your actions, saying that everybody's doing it, that lots of people out there cheat on their spouses.

Do I give a flying fuck about those other people? What they're doing is wrong too. Forgive me for using the cliché - if everybody jumped off a bridge, would you do it too? You're disgusting.

( And now I'll do an innocence meme that has nothing to do with the aforementioned. )

Survey thingies I nabbed from two friends =)

( Have you ever let someone be your everything? )

Greed:	High
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Medium
Sloth:	Low
Envy:	Medium
Lust:	Very High
Pride:	High

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

It's difficult to describe him. ( On the first day of camp, he came across to me as an attractive jerk... )

I feel like nothing really important has happened lately? Even though I have intense rehearsals (final concerts coming up) and my social status is higher than ever and I should be either exhausted or dead...

It's like it's not enough.

I find myself wishing I was somewhere else a lot, and I entertain unrealistic fantasies and I haven't been taking school seriously at all. I really don't know what's wrong with me.

One of my old friends, his name is Austin, he texted me last Friday and we've been calling each other a lot lately. He's so much fun to talk to and I think that that's it - his life is so interesting, so much more fun than mine that I wonder what the hell I'm doing, exactly? Most of the people in my class hates mostly everybody else in my class and I'm no exception. I can't stand most of these people, I pretend to make nice with some people, and I know they aren't real friends - the kind that would back me up no matter what, the kind that doesn't talk about you behind your back ("Veronica, I think I just heard them say my name." "Julie, who doesn't talk about you?"), but it's really all I can do. Half of the teachers are amazing and the other half is trash. There's no happy medium.

I can't stand school. The rest of my life is happy (orchestras are super fun, conductors and private teachers and coaches just absurdly wonderful), although I'm gradually getting farther and farther from my parents. It's like every time they open their mouths, they end up somehow pissing me off.

And finally I love end of season clearances. Look at the price difference on these freaking shoes!

Meme from ouran~ <3

Directions:
Mark which things you have done, then calculate your score by counting the number of questions you marked. This test is out of 100 questions which means that the number you get as your score is also your percentage. Tag 10 of your friends , and re-post as "I do stupid things __% of the time."

( Under the cut )

People talk too much shit about other people...

But my life is a lot better than it was last month. I made a couple of realizations that I should've made a long time ago, and I think the transfer student being made of awesome helped too =3

The only things that squick me right now is that I'm not sure whether or not I'll win the science fair this year like I won it last year, I have a report due Friday that I haven't started yet, and it's been raining every single day for over a week now and I don't own an umbrella.

Also teenage boys are confusing...

On Monday I went to the movies with my boyfriend (The Haunting in CT) and ended up grounded because it was cold and raining and the bus never came and then he yelled at the taxi guy for taking so long so I ended up calling my mom to pick me up. T_T

So the rest of my spring break has been nothing but video games and ice cream. Somebody kill me. Now.

1. How did you come up with your username jewelieishness?

My English name is Julie - Jewelie
I don't always act like myself - ish
Needs something else - ness

2. What is/are you absolutely favorite fandom(s)?
Rozen Maiden~! Anything involving mass murder is alluring to me, not to mention Suigintou is the most beautiful albino I've ever seen in my LIFE. Not to mention all of the OSTs. Bara no Jubai is so haunting~!

3. What is your favorite season?
Summer! Although sometimes I catch myself wishing I were at school~

4. Coke or Pepsi?
Neither. I can't drink cola, it makes me sick D:

5. Who's your favorite guy from La Corda d'Oro? =D
Len because he's hot. XD Keiichi runs a close second, he's so sweet and adorable and narcoleptic ♥♥♥ Not to mention I have a thing for small boys playing large instruments ;)